Spark

Welcome to emotional ramble number….well I have lost count, but be warned.

Spark. You know that one you feel when you meet someone who inspires you. They awaken something inside you that you didn’t know about or had forgotten. What is this spark? I have no definition for you. If you have one, please enlighten me. It is something you can neither predict nor seek. It is something that exists at a fundamental level within the human psyche. For lack of a better explanation, the energy within two people creating nothing short of electricity. If you have felt it, you’ll know what I mean.

What got me thinking about this spark? I am not sure if you gathered based on my previous blogs in the same vein, but I am a newly single gal! Well upon the demise of my seemingly wonderful relationship, I was pondering how someone can look so good on paper, tick all the boxes and be the ideal partner in life but that relationship lacks this elusive spark. It frustrated me. Why can I not force myself to feel it? Why cannot I create it? Is it wrong for me to want to feel that with someone regardless of their apparent paper perfect persona?

Disclaimer: I am not talking about love. We have the capacity to love many people very deeply. I did love him. The spark is something far less finite and far more rare.

There are only two people in my life I have felt this spark with. Neither of these people have I been in any kind of serious relationship with. Let me clarify that this spark existed prior to any physical encounters and to be perfectly honest was not even remotely based on physical appearance. I think for me it was the fact that these people challenged me. They stimulated my intellect, my passions and my interests. I was inspired. They were not perfect on paper by a long shot, but it didn’t matter. The intrigued me with their way their mind worked and I felt I could explore and delve into their world for hours.

Now you may be wondering, so why no relationship? Well this brings my to my next question. Is it possible for one party to feel the spark but the other to be totally luke warm? Is this the essence of unrequited love? Just some of the many questions left unanswered!

I am not convinced a spark implies the requirement for a romantic relationship. One of my ‘sparkys’ has since become one of my closest friends and confidantes. He plays a hugely important role in my life, but most certainly not the one I thought he would be playing.

The other ‘sparky’ is a relatively new feeling. Right now, all I can say is it is damn complicated and my mind is sufficiently confused with thoughts and feelings: dem feels. However I wonder. If I try and ignore the spark, am I doing myself an injustice? No matter how hard it is, how stupid I feel, how much it could hurt or how embarrassed I could get, is it essential for me to see it through to the end to ensure I am honest with myself?

xox your acutely electrocuted bohemian

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