Did the title catch your attention? Ladies, this one’s for you. Gentlemen, feel free to have a read (and thank me after you have) but this is a heart to heart with my girls.
NB: this post is about sex, so yes I use words related to sex like orgasm and talk about sex. If this offends you click that little red cross in the top right hand corner.
I recently got into a conversation with a friend of mine over a coffee. She has been in a relationship with her partner for over 5 years. He is a lovely man and they are wonderful together. They both have promising careers, no children and to me, are in the prime of their relationship to really strengthen and build it.
During our chat I hear this from her in a rather exasperated tone, “I love him, but he still wants sex every night”. I was confused. “You’re complaining about this?” was my immediate response. “Well I am just so tired all the time and it is such a hassle”. I was sufficiently astounded. Perhaps my evident lack of sex life currently plays a part, but there are a few things that confuse me about ladies saying this about sex.
Too tired? Too busy? You clearly had enough energy (and time) to come out for a coffee with me? And don’t think I don’t see photos of your nights out with the girls or your gym selfies 5 times a week on instagram. So shall we rephrase? At some point along the way, sex lost its perch on the priorities list.
Which leads me to my next point of confusion. WHY THE HELL IS IT NOT A PRIORITY? It isn’t as if it is a painful or unpleasant event. Quite the opposite in fact. As women we will pluck hair out from our body one by one, walk around in 6 inch heels all night with blisters on our feet just because it makes our legs and ass look good, wear that uncomfortable bra because the cleavage is amazing but ask us to have sex with the man in our life and all of a sudden it’s ‘no thanks’. At what point did having a mind blowing orgasm become a chore?
I am not saying you should always give it to him because he asks, that would be very un-feminist of me. But maybe it is worth considering why you don’t want it. I can’t say I even understand how the concept if ‘getting comfortable’ in a relationship diminishes the sex life. The way I see it, the more comfortable I am with someone the sexier and better I feel about myself and in turn want to share that even more with my man. The more comfortable I am the better he knows me and the more he knows how to really push my buttons (quite literally). To me comfort is a sexual winner not water on the fire.
I would really love to hear your thoughts on this ladies. Unfortunately I just don’t get it, so feel free to enlighten me.
xox your local bohemian (who is utterly confused)