I can’t claim consistency has ever been my strong point, but every now and again I get the desire to write and this blog provides the perfect platform for me to do so. So here are a few musings from the inner workings of my mind that I am hoping you, my dear reader, will find inspiring.
Gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
I have come to realise, many of us are often not embodiments of this trait. Myself included. The last 6-8 months have been some of the most trying months of my life. The loss of loved ones, a move to a new place leaving my near and dear behind, starting a new job, learning to become well and truly my own person.
The initial excitement of the new masks the fear and daunting feeling that sits somewhere between my stomach and my heart. Now that mask has been removed and over the last 2 months I have been forced to face reality and let me tell you, this scares the living SH*T out of me. Episodes of tachycardia, hyperventilation and tears have not been far and few apart as I would like, instead I have found myself on multiple occasions curled up in bed with a glass of tea (or wine depending on the severity) contemplating my existence.
It is so easy to fall into the routine of self pity, focusing on everything that seems to be falling apart. For some reason it seems more socially acceptable to whine and moan to your friends about how hard your life is than talking about how good you feel; perhaps to avoid what may seem like gloating. The negativity is pervasive, it will quite literally gnaw at your and linger in the peripheries of your mind, invading when it finds a gap in a moment of idle or silence. The nights were always the worst, contemplation was rife and sleep absent.
I found myself continuing the cycle, ‘venting’ to a close friend who was half way across the globe about my so called inner struggles. He patiently listened to my words about love, work, trust and emotions, genuinely taking in each line with consideration. Once I was done he pointed a few things out to me. I wake up in a warm bed everyday. I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge should I choose to stock it. A job I love, friends and family that provide endless support. I have no fundamental need unmet and almost every want and desire fulfilled should I wish. It got me thinking, why was I so down.
I had fallen into a routine of not practicing gratitude. Focusing on all the wrong, and none of the right. So, here’s a resolution I have made for myself. I shall wake up everyday and practice gratitude, be thankful for the life I have been born into through no achievements of my own, for the opportunities I have been given and for the ability to take those opportunities. I shall no longer be consumed by the loss, but be grateful for the fact I had ever had anything to lose. I will love without shame, without the fear of losing, or fear of how hard I may fall; for I am thankful I have the ability to love as fiercely as I do.
It may sound cliche, and perhaps it is, but there is something to be said for putting positivity out into a world where sometimes people no longer take the time to stop and smell the roses. Honestly, if you even have the ability to be reading this right now, whoever you may be, you are probably blessed beyond comparison and have a lot more going for you than you may realise.
Give more; because you can, without expectation of return. Take less; for you already have what many do not. And every single day, take a moment to practice gratitude.
xox your local bohemian